ran circles
corrected lines
astray
betrayed my other side
neglected painful memories
surfaced
accounted for and left to die
faded away
i hate to say i wanted more
precious little things
secrets confessed and kept
traded
another frozen day
created
ashes and faults
simmering
under skin as tight
i frighten away
some i pray a nonexistence
who am i to say
explain constructed systems
in place to sooth imagined ills
this went another way
if forgotten lines
corrected it's fine
i won't cry or wonder
what might be
a thousand futures
at my feet behind
in some other place
and if i said
i meant more
pretend
doors are open
make no mistake
i won't repeat
left blank
protecting innocents
better lines
corrected rhymes i left
and wondered why.

critical thinking skills
not required
sense assault
editorial
hanging fruit
games
splitting sides
required reading
how does one go about
repeating
and does this
admission
render previous
thoughts
wavering
stylistically speaking
pretend
anxious
days away
can you handle
walking over mattresses
rolling cans
pulled back
confines
revelations
a word not said
public intoxication
left me here.

i’m rested assured

pretended

believed in nothing

consider my heart arrested

split lines and hairs

another fine factory farmed

emotional response from

fields

i slept in today

i can’t remember what this is for

something left unsaid

and another

wait for me

is not there

with eyes closed

from the pits of some dark abyss

i share the rest of me.

i make complicated
breathing and alive
tight and dense in the chest
awkward moments
best left
go behind and cover
steps brushed over traces left

i pretended and hoped while fearing and leering
monitor paces and pales legs
dropped faces

memory drifts a hazy place
here i stand
creating in words what i chased
another day of aches
a smiling face.

i wrote a different map
killed stars from
a far off place
line breaks in places left space
pretend functions aren't places or holders for long faces

create words on a page
in front of one another
public squares
feel free to act on words
level with me

i hate the thought i left
missing i bet off bothering
me and i and the rest of you
wondering should we
take a step

represent the full price
i left nothing back
pretend our words
gave you hope but
decided the layered cake

never mind the empty gaps
you're never to young to grasp
present a full thought not quite
left in a changing room
story of a doomed life.

i use twitter
facebook
i post pictures online

i make decisions
without long term plans
i pretend

i drink milk and water
cereal
i eat meat

i cry and laugh
i do stupid shit
sometimes i quit

i feel ashamed
guilt is something i'm used to
yet i cling to no regrets
or maybe just a few

i love this medium
i wish you were here
and more and more i don't know who you are

i can't predict
won't pretend
i try to be honest

mostly i am the person
you know
without the gaps this blog presents

perhaps this is the most
honest
i can be.

get over 

passed myself

meaning what exactly in this time

in worlds gone by

i've looked back

seen favorable treatments disregarded

pretense fades

pull back the veil to find this is reality

when you have nothing to share you share nothing

there is nothing at the bottom of my well

so to leave you with a meaningful confession

would be cruel and unusual

better to think there's something behind these words

if that makes sense.

i wonder
what depths others cling too
suffering searches
sandy tides wash each day away
i remember another time
when lost remained so
to be found again

this won't bar me from my own fate
the effort made in vain
it won't just happen for you or me or those between
trusting faith is not enough anymore

better days ahead are made
from beginning to end
inside

i raised
i leave words by the way
hell is heaven for those of us like
pretend to understand at least
give me some meters
if another sad day drove me to this

i wonder what i should tell my friends and neighbors
i went back today
kept a sidelong glance from revealing
the worst part of me
effortless pretense as societal norms

for reasons i left behind
my advancing age
another daytime effort
time slips past holidays

left for reasons to live
burn off
vocabulary
if my audience understands
i find that hard to believe
i'll leave it here.

i waited to push this out, i wondered more and more about

could not decide, could not find better

you can give me more, i swear it's inside

listen words repeated again is it meaning

full hands flow over water.

if another day passes in this house

my house of other 

i see futures. 

perhaps less can be the same

dread the look and stare

i have avoided eyes of those i love most

forced contact with some i fear and loathe

traded words, not connected

i fear the permanence i've afforded reveals my double standard.

i fear i am not what i declare myself to be

forever linked in minds with the betrayer of self.

as open as i can be still leaves me wanting.

i can't decide
if the visions i see
take in stride
or panic and wonder
concede insanity or just another man
living life by the day
today i met myself i didn't wet myself
even though i laughed uncontrollably i held it in
not like watching hugh grant and jeannie tripplehorn
pretend to dance
i cower and slide to the side
stand in the corner like a slow man
wondering about others who act
while i sit back and watch
i can't decide if i'm OK with that
or if i should take a stand
and realize i am who i am it's not a trick
there's no mystery i wish that were true
another layer would make me happy
wrapped enigmas make good hipster dufuses
i won't let you see that in me
i would rather scream in your face
no soup for you come back in year
i'll serve you then if you ask me nice
roll the dice on a second helping
if it's mayonnaise in the sun it might be bad
hey dad i hope to hear lets go outside from my son
not forced to say or do the things i hope to achieve
just remembered as good and looked up to by my peers
i've made mistakes and i fear it's normal
through the years i've come to learn it's about
the power of your mind don't concern yourself with what others think
but's easy to say harder to play by those rules
so stay in school
think highly of yourself and rise before
they teach you otherwise.

only minutes
a fruitless exercise
decided and banked on
i left another number
i crept in place only to notice
recall solutions in waning moments
another missed
connection only
best numbers left uncalled
i can't credit
perhaps filtering or a better
filtered process
would generate an outcome you could live with
i left my drooped eyes
i didn't wonder aloud
i cried alone another night
a less than accurate confession
pretend my life is none than other
i waited.

prime example
a staple of my diet
steady influx
waves in my vision overlap
hard to comprehend
what's at stake
just a little late
to this party
i managed thus far
using brain and mind
powers that be looked
passed over me for
another deserving candidate
probably
hard to be humble
in a vacuum
without context
we're all the best we can be
until those around
provide background
and the less than soft
truth of the matter
reveals a pecking order
but hey
i traveled far on a long since crested wave
dragging sand through my fingers
passed a few along the way
now i lay just a grasp away
so i think
better to imagine it so
or spending time picturing another abyss
pretend victories.

my mind bends i won't pretend to stay calm in the face of daily crimes against humanity, it's not insanity lazy men in chairs and suits react to problems in streets with jerking knees, not complicated i participated in another group meeting while my heart beats for my wife and kids i wonder why i can't make it better for them make them understand how much love i have, i don't want another day of wants and needs left behind to make way for some other important mother who likes houses with cars and flaunts rings from afar while maids and gardeners keep the order, listen i like my life i love my wife but that doesn't mean i can't imagine or dream with goals in the extreme, i have a lot to over come in my head, i have a lot to say but the means to an end results in flagging lazy rhymes with barely a nod to the times i used to have that made me who i am, necessarily it's another case of barely, tapping keys with dirty nails and exposed toes on the table devolution in certain terms i can't expect a turn of events in my favor and better yet i stop talking about struggles when others see worse with guns on their streets while i think about what to drink if it's milk or diet pepsi with lime i don't see a daily crime in front of my house or at the corner concentrate of bringing happiness and smile to your face if you've come this far your reward is just another day in the life.

obligated
postmortem
listen read more than
pretend this exists
outside circles
i confessed and accepted
another punishment
in prior defense
i claimed to have heard
voices you say
i can't back that up
i wish for more than what i can't have
and from then on
you asked me why i lied
each day builds another
to be torn down
castles out of time
another obligation
you question your answers
harmony among disparate voices
listed and read again
when this voice speaks
it won't come together
it won't end with aplomb
just another set of words
i placed on this page without worry.

read: nonsense
is it not so by naming it so?

cry creative spend the day under
super sensitive
cast a wider net finds under rocks and a spring
hold out your hand for

conspicuous permanent ink
adorns my arms
tells you what you need to know
when this couldn't be more clear
i am who you think i am

moments like this you look to the heavens
isn't another day in the books a win
give yourself a pat on the back

could not stretch another line
in the sand
dusting drapes
not savory i flavor beer cans
with rum in the sun don't cry
spicy rhymes in circles and heroes
among us

flatter yourself
i won't treat you to this
just another fly
fill in the blanks
i'll wonder why.

remember another future promise
of lasting clarity
blissful understanding

pages turned by faded hands
fingers creased and working
never needing to be reminded

i broke another record today
blades of grass blinded
happens to be a sunny day

arbitrary ideas fill minds
can't come out to play
locked and waiting for revelation

remember the last time you
thought this continuation
brought certain closure.

and little by little i pierce the
fragile shields around
my tears come easier each day
remember incredible pains
it does not appear to me this way
hearts among many shared
beats slowly toward conclusion
fading into thumps on the floor
second chances are more common than you think
rated experience
this time around.

get off the bus at the next stop.
don't look back.
i won't be there.

blather and repeat keep talking
repent sins of the father
take it on your shoulders for his sake
i hope my son does the same

when bake sales and lemonade stands
represent less crisis
i plan to make long term plans
a decision i take the blame

large piles of filthy thoughts
pushed into slimy trails
create another story for that
pretend anger falls short a long knowing look back

perhaps a better way can be found
another pound for pound
doesn't matter if you're not in the game
i crane my neck in perfect ways

so goodbye fools dawn another
regrettable days spent among more
fungible replaceable i'm less grateful
pretty faces in the crowd i notice less more often sane.

searing classless
i say crazy but don't mean it
i say fools like underachieving
i wont say
less fruitful packs
pretend monsters
for your benefit
attract fear
many moths to many flames
i won't say another word about this
i can't say i don't
remember last time
ended bad months away
worse words
i've cringed many
time pours away
by a steady hand
perception tells me today is longer
today is the longest yet
every moment longer than the last
hesitate to consider
the same word again
line after line
recombinant
sources close to me
tell a different story
i wish i could say the same
i wish i would say more
i wish another day
another time lapse
could i relive
let me down easy.

crisis replies with astounded level eyes
don't take me in
leave me behind
shattered bruised
taken advantage
lessen your motivation
for silly
salvage the situation
with next to
nothing said
turned around
little kisses abound in this place
i rented
scotch in
glass housing projects
forget a faithful sound
i located and found
remember this started
on very shaky
ground plummet
if i can sit another day
i sift through and away
lived another passing
another rising light
shines
in my window claims
i wasn't here for you
i did not
come for you
i left and you know
i was not there
another failed day
crashing down a stair
sitting i wondered why
in cars pink and yellow
probably deserved whatever it was
i can't look out across this room
without seeing you
and a life filled
despite otherwise.

things changed for the better i think. i can't promise any actual result. i can't help but wonder about how self awareness conflicts with the stream.
pretending you can't read this probably helps.

i will empower myself to consider a lack to be the best course. consistent use of the same technique. under hand toss if powers will it so.

forced onto the page, i've said before, often works best when looking for weak material. i conform to my own standard without fail. it's easier that way.

break down each word for full meaning, i was told once to be very clear about what you want to say. i can't help but wonder what entities will find fault with this history. pretend future endeavors depend on an empty search, and keep fingers crossed. i can't help but find conflict between providing and escaping.

what this really all means is more of the same. i can pretend to make amends with myself by providing this to you, while leaving enough blanks to satisfy future curiosity. i can't claim this was ever more than that.

and for some reason i can't seem to recapture what i once thought i had. perhaps the glories of the past are only so through my own time filter.  i hope this finds you well. i hope this find you clear and full. i hope you find this in kind.

seeming innocent depleted
risen and heard
left for dead among the remains
of this day
homage paid or sliding
lept into these arms
said she did yesterday
a memory i can't recall
left for decisions unclear
after so many years
looking back time
slipped away in fear
private practice in
sides evenly sliced
picked apart thinly
veiled rampant remarkable
i left this apartment in a haze
never looked back
in later days i said
remember when you
didn't leave anything in the air
timothy tom tomato paste
what random line
more remains in pictures
watery eyes
if this doesn't hit you
floor me in second gear
needles in my back
seat fleeing rockey hounds
i seem to have forgotten
this many words
fingers spread waiting
a certain nod
cocked head at angles
deeply sorrowful
for your loss
listen i can't replace
i can't walk another day
don't need space
come back to me not in fear
for this embrace.

charaterize splinter
cells
sell bacon eggs
matter smells
resemble death and clear pills
cloudy math exercise
motorize remaining spells
immature
no doubt you wonder
why i try come by and see me fly
titillate concentrate
masturbate in heaven's gate
never left on the page
a certain age i flagellate
consider pain
it don't hurt as dalton speculates
leave this be as time slips away
out and about on mars keeping pace
my letters and words translated
still empty space
i said this was easy to make
i didn't lie i can't bake or take or make hate
i just let it die
on it's own it withers on the vine
as these lines
now don't come stalking or knocking
i won't answer the door i'll just keep blocking
out stances and repeatedly
mentions words i don't know, like manses
where i live it's hard to go outside
in green and gold memories, old and stormy with no pride
i lack in areas
out standing in forested groves
where you married us
i remember fine times and lives and mostly skies
of blue and white and grey
this means i'm out and that's all i have to say.

please read Patton Oswalt's post on facebook...

for context?  probably not, i can’t claim this will make any sense.


redirected emotions
fall short of expectations
empty reasons for left over
watery eyes
cater slumbering
tainted laughter resembles comfortable eyes
wide shut this well runs dry
in every attempt
i lie waiting
for what i can’t describe
don’t shape starry shifted eyes
if ever I thought a word would make
sense it was now
if ever i wished
for safety well being crutches
it is slow
now would be a good time to admit i have nothing
to say otherwise
would consider crime favorable
repent your sins this flurry
i wasted time
recalling skin
meat
what we are in the end
fighting
for more than that defines us
in our skins
we look out and wonder
would i run away
or toward does it matter
the flocks of us bring out the best in us
the rest of us sit in our sins
a favorable ending awaits.

note i can't claim validity or insight, just a raw stream.

power lies with those who embrace it within themselves at the hardest of times.  

count yourself among the good. 

ranged low far near to me my dear otherwise left unattended when placed after burner soiled predictions i can't really think about what placed this elected official news at this hour glassed over frightened looking grab a smoke and mild case of itchy fingers wrapped around a telephone stole this idea left it worse for wear did not even consider making it better i tapped out a shitty mess of doubt not hate better than that i would say i spent a lot of time not remembering how this goes when i used to know i used to think it was good now i know odd i have more confidence but lack acknowledgement of self and that my friends means something else entirely hidden gems inflected painfully horrific caps and skins after letters and missed opportunities comes streaming i can't say flung as matter of fact only last of ages sung.

present company excluded of course.

quite creeps sandy beaches
sleep soundly
roaring fast upon
some foreign shore
realize fearsome
grey matter
decide a slaughter
better left in the dune grass
sharpened by
and by years of
passing denim
removes settings
crates and moldy walls
barrels crafty falls
rapidly diminishing
return keys or face
penalties left and deposited
shelter from the rain
windy days remain
despite best wishes
but memory takes hold faster
holds fast from worst
remember all the good times
dark seems brighter
dark days linger
another label recall for later.

last minute consider lower fees
attract a cover
belated moonrise
kills a handful
of darkness tells
what more can you say
to me i ask of you
give me less
ask for more
present a complication best
better left
inconsiderate
i left this place
forks in the road make this decision easy
back to known
return to sender
replace a light
at what time again
does the bell toll
when do those of us owed
get what's due
remember i started this with intention
fathom this i said
recall my history
even you know better.

two days into the new mariners season and i'm riding high... but can't help thinking forward to the possible disillusionment a june losing streak might bring.  time to repress my doubts!  go big or go home.

on a side note regarding punctuation: most often it's a stylistic choice in poetry which happens to bleed into my mundane prose, where i'm a strong defender of the harvard comma.  i used to capitalize a single "i" without fail, but more commonly now i do not.  i have tried numerous times to adopt a single space after a period, but my years of habit forming typing in high school and university have permantley ingrained a double tap on the space bar... one that so far has been impossible to penetrate through conventional means... and so i continue the double space for now.  perhaps some future day will change things.  but, it probably helps to have a double space as i've been leaving my first letters uncapitalized.  note this all changes when i sit down in my "cube" at work.  and finally i shall say this, while i fear change and strive for consistency, the most important thing is comprehension of my audience (yes, surprisingly that's a goal i strive for), and hence nothing can be set in stone.

and that my friends is more than you wished to know.  commence corrections, and please remember i'm all about it.

blah blah blah mystery enigma vague ambiguity followed by fumbling attempt at a surprising confession.

words to describe lost at sea a tidal force bearing softly upon me, i rouse my neighbors, try to compel them, on suspicious grounds they cross and meld, stirring a pot filled by strings and flings, rather than think about actions, consequences, and flags, they surrender ignorant stances, gain trust through small advances, regurgitate and assimilate tiny minds in giant mansions, no cracking skulls, just acting, it's dull, criminal, flaming swords, i gather and expel those who cross and don't gel, rather make enemies than false friends, i don't mind being hated when truth is gesticulated by hands and waving fingers making signs, not gang related, blast this off into time reconsider my herbal skills, parsley, sage, rosemary, lavender, i have a calender filled with dates to the prom, it's not wrong, i'm just a boy who loves the slow songs, now back to the sea, i can't foresee another day of this, i can't take it, i'm not made to creep or sneak, i'm a nice guy, take a peek, it lasts forever whatever this is, daily travels, less grammy, more paying bills.

swollen pride recovers
nine sides revolver
capitalize on disturbing
remember recalling short order thoughts
hell i even forgot about this
punctuation
rebuild a pattern wedded in bliss
to an olive branch
pleasant greens through lids
it was easier then
from pen to keys
paper to screen
i left something behind.


again i'll repeat a theme with the same words, rearranged.  the same thoughts filtered through the same screen, fine grain, loose.  read this back one hundred times, find this number one to nine.  call me out.  i'll go on, right back, forever my swan.  i can leave blanks where saying what i mean would be easier.

i was pretty sure this would happen.  i was sure it would i could and then some.
predilection pretends to guide my hand, but reality rules all in the end. and if this made sense to any single one of us, and I mean us, would it matter less.  hidden and yet more for me.

i want one more.  i want one more, made easy.  time once was this was easier, time once was i could take this further, or maybe that's a burden of memory to hide my fear.

black market typesetting, rebound
labeled many as unfavorable, repeated the opposite
i have not said the nicest things in my head, i have not considered immoral thoughts to be impure.

silver gates
repentant
blasted recovery
ignore the thread
lost
in time or space
recovered bits

you might remember the last time, you might remember before
we never said it would last
we always said we wanted more

too late now
snow's falling, bones weak
revisions to memories tie us down
of some things we will never speak.

i realized something i thought about.
remembered something i had not forgotten.
i can't recall what that doesn't mean, other than nothing.

if i told you i made it work, would you believe me?
would you consider something?

if i asked a question, would you not answer?
i am proud of this decision.

i can't be responsible for my own actions.
this makes it so.
it's so much easier this way.

delirious typing precludes my own thoughts from becoming any more than a twisted mind game away from understanding less now than ever before when i was young i used to not think about what happens when your hair turns grey and the mind doesn't want another round of corpse laden filth hey i know what you're thinking now another day in the life of a stream, a stream less pause and that's it folks a well deserved stop in the action leading to the end of another day.

thank you.

wonder what
begins again from
a particular ending
now that i'm here i see
scattered remains
lived in beneath darkened skies
what fountain is this
rebuilt from
ashes to ashes
steaming masses playing
at mistaken
can't know or wait
for eventual clarity
begin again from here.

living doesn't always
beget right thinking
experience
leads one to
wasting
lettered streets on
mass evacuation
and now this becomes
less
for time takes all.

balanced initiative

well regulated
seems far
fetid forgotten
about time
listen to this
i can't say it any louder
recognize my
deliberate attempt
consider this word
on this page
any less concerned
constituents
recall this began with
a lesson
more or less
the love
felt about you
as many
remember i can't
repel
a feeling
i might not fall
i might not forget
don't
under

score another
myself among a few forgotten.

limited potential buyers see crazy silence unlimited by science and rather large penny wielding managers of scurvy laden foils dancing among soft spots and low hanging flowers belonging to others more known about thought about and considered favorite words flowing childishly from withered context without supplied variety repeated anxiety don't look another in the eyes for lack of a better term forth asked platters spinning around battered cakes reclaiming right from rhyme, is that what they call it?

Saturday space for astro ballers leave room for rent due date is the first time today considered paraphrasing of course I will have to carpool south careless gonzo leftover species cannot accept liability for any inconvenience this may have been unfounded beside comparison to get together tomorrow boredom is inexcusable forever yielding spare parts of my favorite things are well known in my life and death of a salesperson fungus toes and sparrows I will not be able to make sure that you have any further questions or comments about this topic.