things changed for the better i think. i can't promise any actual result. i can't help but wonder about how self awareness conflicts with the stream.
pretending you can't read this probably helps.

i will empower myself to consider a lack to be the best course. consistent use of the same technique. under hand toss if powers will it so.

forced onto the page, i've said before, often works best when looking for weak material. i conform to my own standard without fail. it's easier that way.

break down each word for full meaning, i was told once to be very clear about what you want to say. i can't help but wonder what entities will find fault with this history. pretend future endeavors depend on an empty search, and keep fingers crossed. i can't help but find conflict between providing and escaping.

what this really all means is more of the same. i can pretend to make amends with myself by providing this to you, while leaving enough blanks to satisfy future curiosity. i can't claim this was ever more than that.

and for some reason i can't seem to recapture what i once thought i had. perhaps the glories of the past are only so through my own time filter.  i hope this finds you well. i hope this find you clear and full. i hope you find this in kind.

seeming innocent depleted
risen and heard
left for dead among the remains
of this day
homage paid or sliding
lept into these arms
said she did yesterday
a memory i can't recall
left for decisions unclear
after so many years
looking back time
slipped away in fear
private practice in
sides evenly sliced
picked apart thinly
veiled rampant remarkable
i left this apartment in a haze
never looked back
in later days i said
remember when you
didn't leave anything in the air
timothy tom tomato paste
what random line
more remains in pictures
watery eyes
if this doesn't hit you
floor me in second gear
needles in my back
seat fleeing rockey hounds
i seem to have forgotten
this many words
fingers spread waiting
a certain nod
cocked head at angles
deeply sorrowful
for your loss
listen i can't replace
i can't walk another day
don't need space
come back to me not in fear
for this embrace.

charaterize splinter
cells
sell bacon eggs
matter smells
resemble death and clear pills
cloudy math exercise
motorize remaining spells
immature
no doubt you wonder
why i try come by and see me fly
titillate concentrate
masturbate in heaven's gate
never left on the page
a certain age i flagellate
consider pain
it don't hurt as dalton speculates
leave this be as time slips away
out and about on mars keeping pace
my letters and words translated
still empty space
i said this was easy to make
i didn't lie i can't bake or take or make hate
i just let it die
on it's own it withers on the vine
as these lines
now don't come stalking or knocking
i won't answer the door i'll just keep blocking
out stances and repeatedly
mentions words i don't know, like manses
where i live it's hard to go outside
in green and gold memories, old and stormy with no pride
i lack in areas
out standing in forested groves
where you married us
i remember fine times and lives and mostly skies
of blue and white and grey
this means i'm out and that's all i have to say.

please read Patton Oswalt's post on facebook...

for context?  probably not, i can’t claim this will make any sense.


redirected emotions
fall short of expectations
empty reasons for left over
watery eyes
cater slumbering
tainted laughter resembles comfortable eyes
wide shut this well runs dry
in every attempt
i lie waiting
for what i can’t describe
don’t shape starry shifted eyes
if ever I thought a word would make
sense it was now
if ever i wished
for safety well being crutches
it is slow
now would be a good time to admit i have nothing
to say otherwise
would consider crime favorable
repent your sins this flurry
i wasted time
recalling skin
meat
what we are in the end
fighting
for more than that defines us
in our skins
we look out and wonder
would i run away
or toward does it matter
the flocks of us bring out the best in us
the rest of us sit in our sins
a favorable ending awaits.

note i can't claim validity or insight, just a raw stream.

power lies with those who embrace it within themselves at the hardest of times.  

count yourself among the good. 

ranged low far near to me my dear otherwise left unattended when placed after burner soiled predictions i can't really think about what placed this elected official news at this hour glassed over frightened looking grab a smoke and mild case of itchy fingers wrapped around a telephone stole this idea left it worse for wear did not even consider making it better i tapped out a shitty mess of doubt not hate better than that i would say i spent a lot of time not remembering how this goes when i used to know i used to think it was good now i know odd i have more confidence but lack acknowledgement of self and that my friends means something else entirely hidden gems inflected painfully horrific caps and skins after letters and missed opportunities comes streaming i can't say flung as matter of fact only last of ages sung.

present company excluded of course.

quite creeps sandy beaches
sleep soundly
roaring fast upon
some foreign shore
realize fearsome
grey matter
decide a slaughter
better left in the dune grass
sharpened by
and by years of
passing denim
removes settings
crates and moldy walls
barrels crafty falls
rapidly diminishing
return keys or face
penalties left and deposited
shelter from the rain
windy days remain
despite best wishes
but memory takes hold faster
holds fast from worst
remember all the good times
dark seems brighter
dark days linger
another label recall for later.

last minute consider lower fees
attract a cover
belated moonrise
kills a handful
of darkness tells
what more can you say
to me i ask of you
give me less
ask for more
present a complication best
better left
inconsiderate
i left this place
forks in the road make this decision easy
back to known
return to sender
replace a light
at what time again
does the bell toll
when do those of us owed
get what's due
remember i started this with intention
fathom this i said
recall my history
even you know better.

two days into the new mariners season and i'm riding high... but can't help thinking forward to the possible disillusionment a june losing streak might bring.  time to repress my doubts!  go big or go home.

on a side note regarding punctuation: most often it's a stylistic choice in poetry which happens to bleed into my mundane prose, where i'm a strong defender of the harvard comma.  i used to capitalize a single "i" without fail, but more commonly now i do not.  i have tried numerous times to adopt a single space after a period, but my years of habit forming typing in high school and university have permantley ingrained a double tap on the space bar... one that so far has been impossible to penetrate through conventional means... and so i continue the double space for now.  perhaps some future day will change things.  but, it probably helps to have a double space as i've been leaving my first letters uncapitalized.  note this all changes when i sit down in my "cube" at work.  and finally i shall say this, while i fear change and strive for consistency, the most important thing is comprehension of my audience (yes, surprisingly that's a goal i strive for), and hence nothing can be set in stone.

and that my friends is more than you wished to know.  commence corrections, and please remember i'm all about it.

blah blah blah mystery enigma vague ambiguity followed by fumbling attempt at a surprising confession.

words to describe lost at sea a tidal force bearing softly upon me, i rouse my neighbors, try to compel them, on suspicious grounds they cross and meld, stirring a pot filled by strings and flings, rather than think about actions, consequences, and flags, they surrender ignorant stances, gain trust through small advances, regurgitate and assimilate tiny minds in giant mansions, no cracking skulls, just acting, it's dull, criminal, flaming swords, i gather and expel those who cross and don't gel, rather make enemies than false friends, i don't mind being hated when truth is gesticulated by hands and waving fingers making signs, not gang related, blast this off into time reconsider my herbal skills, parsley, sage, rosemary, lavender, i have a calender filled with dates to the prom, it's not wrong, i'm just a boy who loves the slow songs, now back to the sea, i can't foresee another day of this, i can't take it, i'm not made to creep or sneak, i'm a nice guy, take a peek, it lasts forever whatever this is, daily travels, less grammy, more paying bills.