every year festivus comes around, and i really want to make an effort to "connect" with my father, but it seems to elude me every time. i'm not really sure where to start, because although i feel like there's been a disconnect at some point, i don't really know what it involves, or what started it, or how to end it. part of me just thinks talking is the best thing; the every day kind of stuff i'm not very good at with anyone it seems like... a much better listener than a talker... so i've come to think anyway...
i hate to think of myself in the role of estranged son, it seems lame... why so much sameness; it seems the thread of humanity runs throughout... i really have no idea what that means... repitition is great, in music, not so sure about it in writing, but why the hell not?
it seems some thread connects all of us, some shared experience... why else?
i have this tatoo, and i'm embarassed to admit that i'm embarassed to admit to my family what it means, because they'll look at me and say "where the fuck have you been that last 12 years? connect? christ man, you've barely said 5 words to us... we see you all the time, and you don't open your mouth..."
why the struggle to make the most important to us understand just that?...