i wonder
what depths others cling too
suffering searches
sandy tides wash each day away
i remember another time
when lost remained so
to be found again

this won't bar me from my own fate
the effort made in vain
it won't just happen for you or me or those between
trusting faith is not enough anymore

better days ahead are made
from beginning to end
inside

i raised
i leave words by the way
hell is heaven for those of us like
pretend to understand at least
give me some meters
if another sad day drove me to this

i wonder what i should tell my friends and neighbors
i went back today
kept a sidelong glance from revealing
the worst part of me
effortless pretense as societal norms

for reasons i left behind
my advancing age
another daytime effort
time slips past holidays

left for reasons to live
burn off
vocabulary
if my audience understands
i find that hard to believe
i'll leave it here.